The Planet Express crew travels to Mars where the Wongs are celebrating Mars Day, the day when the Wongs bought the planet from Martians for a single bead. Zoidberg immediately makes himself at home, and starts acting like a rich man who has no care for what he destroys. Kif arrives but the Wongs are not impressed, even though they introduced him to Amy in the first place, as he can't take a smoke. They want her to hook up with her friend, R.J.
During the celebration, everyone hears a strange noise and a dust storm rolls in, forcing everyone inside. Outside, the buggalo, the Wongs' main source of income, are swept up in a dust tornado. Kif resolves to find the buggalo to impress Amy's parents. Fry, Leela, Bender and Kif take the last buggalo, Betsy, who the Wongs intend to cook on Amy's wedding, to attract the rustlers. They camp out on Olympus Mons, the tallest mountain on Mars, waiting. While telling ghost stories, Amy jumps out, having followed them. They discover the buggalo are inside the Olympus Mons' crater. Kif lays dynamite beneath them to dislodge them having learned the basic principle from a seminar on ejecting chickens from a sand dune. Unfortunately, another storms comes in, sweeping the crew inside the eye. They meet the native Martians, who claim that those who have true connection to Mother Mars can fly buggalo. Because their plan to ruin the Wongs had failed, they kidnapped Amy.
Returning to the ranch with the buggalo, the Wongs are impressed and then not impressed when a mini tornado brings a ransom note. They decide to call for Zapp Brannigan's help, against the wishes of Kif. Zapp takes Kif and the crew to the face on Mars, a Martian reserve, to negotiate Amy's release. The Martians demand their land back and Zapp botches the negotiations. Angry, the Martians conjure up another storm to take Amy away. Kif flies in on Betsy to rescue Amy. The Martians see he is connected to Mother Mars and offer to smoke the peace pipe together. Though he initially does well at first, a pat on the back causes him to cough, angering the Martians yet again. They strap him down and prepare to crush him with the bead. It turns out the bead was a giant diamond, which Bender confirmed. The Martians decide to let Kif go, alleviate hostilities, go to another planet and act like it is sacred, having already realized that Mars is a dump.
Back at the ranch, the Wongs believe that Zapp saved the day. They kick Zoidberg out for being a nuisance. Out on the porch, Amy informs Kif that if her parents liked him, she wouldn't like him. As they kiss, the buggalo herd stomps by, fooling Kif into thinking they made love.