War is the H-Word

War is the H-Word
Episode	30
Episode Information
Production Code	2ACV17
Air date	November 26, 2000
Opening subtitle	Touch Eyeballs To Screen For Cheap Laser Surgery
Opening cartoon	Felix the Cat in "Neptune Nonsense"
Credits
Written By	Eric Horsted
Directed By	Ron Hughart
Guests	Todd Susman as The P.A. announcer
Episode Guide
Preceded by	Anthology of Interest I
Followed by	The Honking

"War Is the H-Word" is episode seventeen in season two of Futurama. It originally aired in North America on November 26, 2000. The episode parodies several war films and shows, including Starship Troopers, Patton and M*A*S*H.

Plot

As part of an attempt to scam a convenience store, Fry and Bender enlist in the Earth Army. However, before they can use their 5% military discount to buy chewing gum, Earth declares war on Spheron 1 - a planet that commanding general Zapp Brannigan says, to his troops, is devoid of any natural resources, and possesses no strategic importance whatsoever but is willing to put troopers' lives at risk for no reason.

Concerned for her friends' safety, Leela attempts to enlist, but the Army has a men-only policy. While Earth's flagship, the Nimbus, makes its way to the enemy planet, the soldiers undergo training and we discover that Leela has snuck aboard disguised as a man, under the name of Lee Lemon, to whom Brannigan finds himself strangely attracted.

They arrive and discover the enemy is a race of pink, sentient, ball-like creatures. In their first battle Fry fails to stop an attack and instead blows a hole in the ground to hide. Bender manages to stop an enemy bomb by covering it with himself. For his act of cowardice, Brannigan sentences Fry to a demeaning punishment - being Kif's assistant.

After the initial battle with the balls, the soldiers regroup at camp. The Commander-in-chief, President of Earth Richard Nixon's Head, sends Bender and Henry Kissinger's head to negotiate with the Spheron leaders, the "Brain-balls".

Brennigan, however, tells everyone the true plan - a voice-activated bomb has been planted inside of Bender, and will detonate, destroying the whole planet, when Bender says his favorite word: "ass". Fry thinks to steal a chopper only for "Lee Lemon" to act out his entire plan. "Lemon" asks Fry if he recognizes "him" but Fry incorrectly thinks Hermes. Zapp spots them, seeing them holding hands and angry at betrayal, prepares to arrest them only for "Lemon" to beat him up and reveal his identity as Leela, to which Zapp utters "You're a woman? Thank God!" The two fly to the negotiating-hall; Fry saves the day by telling Bender the plot just in time. However, Bender, who has gotten bored with the ball leaders talking about bouncing, realizes that he now has the power to make the Brain-balls surrender. While Spheron 1 is actually their homeworld, and it is the humans who are the "evil invading aliens", Bender simply demands that they "get the Hell off my planet!", and they all evacuate, bouncing into space. An Earth newspaper headline reads "Balls Thoroughly Licked!".

Back at the Planet Express office, Professor Farnsworth cannot remove the bomb from Bender's body. Instead, he resets the bomb from a list of words Bender hardly ever uses. Bender asks what it is but the crew refuses to tell him. The word is "antiquing", which Bender successfully guesses.

Quotes

• Sergeant: "Correct, there is no obligation."
  [Fry and Bender sign the enlistment papers]
  Sergeant: "Unless, of course, war were declared."
  [Alarm goes off]
  Fry: "What's that?"
  Sergeant: "War were declared."

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• Zapp Brannigan: "Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by distracting low-cut fatigues and lots of harmless pinching, the Army decided women weren't fit for service. Not when I'm in charge."

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• Soldier: "This is the worst part...the calm before the battle."
  Fry: "And then the battle's not so bad?"
  Soldier: "I forgot about the battle!" [whimpers]

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• Richard Nixon: "Brannigan!"
  Zapp Brannigan: "Hmm?" [turns to face Nixon]
  Richard Nixon: "My God, cover yourself! I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo!"

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• Zapp Brannigan: "You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders, the Brain Balls." [points to head] "They've got a lot of brains..." [makes cupping gesture] "and they've got a lot of... chutzpah."

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• Zapp Brannigan: [being scrubbed in shower by Kif] "A little lower... lower... lower... a lot lower...TOO LOW!... lower..."

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• Fry: "Stop you can't say the next word!"
  Bender: "Up yours, chump, I said it 980 times before lunch."

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• Bender: [in a baseball tune] "Ass ass ass ass ass ass...ass!!"

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• Bender: "The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet!"
  [all gasp]
  Brain Ball: "Stop, there is no need to bounce off the wall."
  Bender: "That's it! Im sayin' it! A is for a..."
  Brain Ball: "Stop! We give into all of earths demands! The war is over. Our home planet is yours."
  Fry: "Wait, this is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens?"
  Brain Ball: "Correct."
  Bender: "Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with earth!"
  Brain Ball: "May you bounce in peace."
  Bender: [sternly] "Get the hell off my planet."

---

• iHawk: [maudlin] "This isn't a war, it's a murder." [irreverent, in Groucho Marx voice] "This ain't a war, it's moyder!"

---

• Zoidberg: [treating patient] "Scalpel, blood bucket, Priest, next patient."

References

• Large segments of the episode make direct reference to the TV show M*A*S*H*. The M*A*S*H* theme is played over the establishing shot of the field hospital, and the surgeon robot, iHawk speaks in the voice of Alan Alda as Hawkeye Pierce.

External Links

• Episode Transcript

From Futurama Wiki, a Wikia wiki.