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War is the H-Word/Quotes

< War is the H-Word

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Quotes Edit

  • Sergeant: "Correct, there is no obligation."
    [Fry and Bender sign the enlistment papers]
    Sergeant: "Unless, of course, war were declared."
    [Alarm goes off]
    Fry: "What's that?"
    Sergeant: "War were declared."

  • Zapp Brannigan: "Alas, after a series of deadly blunders caused by distracting low-cut fatigues and lots of harmless pinching, the Army decided women weren't fit for service. Not when I'm in charge."

  • Richard Nixon: "Brannigan!"
    Zapp Brannigan: "Hmm?" [turns to face Nixon]
    Richard Nixon: "My God, cover yourself! I didn't live a thousand years and travel a quadrillion miles to look at another man's gizmo!"

  • Zapp Brannigan: "You'll be negotiating with the aliens' mysterious leaders, the Brain Balls." [points to head] "They've got a lot of brains..." [makes cupping gesture] "and they've got a lot of... chutzpah."

  • Zapp Brannigan: [being scrubbed in shower by Kif] "A little lower... lower... lower... a lot lower...TOO LOW!... lower..."

  • Fry: "Stop you can't say the next word!"
    Bender: "Up yours, chump, I said it 906 times before lunch."

  • Bender: "Ass ass ass ass ass ass ass!"

  • Bender: "The name of the game is make Bender happy or he blows up the planet!"
    [all gasp]
    Bender: I'd rather die and take everybody with me than sit here one more minute and listen to these idiots talk about bouncing!
    Brain Ball: "Please, stay calm. There is no need to bounce off the handle."
    Bender: "That's it! I'm sayin' it! A is for a..."
    Brain Ball: "Stop! We give into all of Earth's demands! The war is over. Our home planet is yours."
    Fry: "Wait, this is your home planet? We're the evil invading aliens?"
    Brain Ball: "Correct."
    Bender: "Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson. Don't mess with earth!"
    Brain Ball: "May you bounce in peace."
    Bender: [sternly] "Get the hell off my planet."

  • iHawk: [maudlin] "This isn't a war, it's a murder." [irreverent, in Groucho Marx voice] "This ain't a war, it's 'moider'!"

  • Zoidberg: [treating patient] "Scalpel, blood bucket, Priest, next patient."


  • Richard Nixon: You'll be accompanied by our Chief Diplomat, Henry Kissinger.
  • Henry Kissinger: How are you?
  • Bender: Is he any good?
  • Richard Nixon: Looking like that, he talked his way into Jill St. John's bed, 'nuff said


  • Zapp Brannigan : [after being slapped by Leela]......More importantly your hand while firm and masculine, is soft as a velvet child. What lotion do you use? [as he rubs his cheek]
  • Lee Lemon: Pert and Popular sir. [manly tone]
  • Zapp Brannigan: [salutes Lemon and turns to Kif] Roger that, Kif get me 10 cases of Pert and Popular
  • Kif: What shall I do with your Jergens Sir?
  • Zapp Brannigan: Squirt it on some homeless man with dry elbows.

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