After a victory against the Spiderians on Turantulon 6, Zapp Brannigan brings back to Earth a huge stockpile of silks and other riches. Nixon decides to give everyone on Earth a $300 tax rebate in a "Tricky-Dick Fun Bill." With the money, everyone goes off and has their own adventure. Amy comments that with $300 you could only buy about 100 cups of coffee, so Fry decides to do just that. Leela decides to swim with Mushu, a whale at a theme park, and in the process rescues one of Kif's gifts for Amy, a watch that tells the time wherever they both are, which was accidentally swallowed by the whale. Kif also rents a paddle-plane for his date with Amy. Amy, however, spends her entire rebate on a talking devil tattoo.
Professor Farnsworth spends his rebate on stem cells from Geneworks SKG, which he uses to make himself look younger and date a young woman, who had used her rebate to make herself look skinny. When the stem cells wear off, the teenager reveals her secret by pulling her plug, a belly ring, and suddenly becoming fat. The two lovers decide that they still love each other, and continue making out.
Bender goes to Hacking Jack's Fine Smokables looking for a high-class cigar, but ends up finding one that costs ten thousand dollars, because it was rolled in the United States Constitution by Queen Elizabeth in her "wild years." He cannot afford it, but instead buys some burglar's equipment and steals it. He is pursued by Smitty and URL.
Hermes buys his son, Dwight, a pair of Bamboo Boogie-Boots. The shoes have bamboo poles that extend from them, lifting the wearer into the air. However, Dwight had no intention of having fun and only wanted the money for investments. Hermes tries on the boots but is unable to control himself, forcing Dwight to climb on top of him.
Fry continues his coffee binge, overdosing more and more on caffine and becoming increasingly short tempered, twitchy and addicted to his drink.
While before swimming with Mushu, Leela stuffs her swimsuit with rotten fish, having no other place to store it. Mushu, as planned, eats all the rotten fish, but also eats her swimsuit, leaving Leela naked in the pool.
Zoidberg tries to find something good to spend the rebate on, but can't find the right thing to spend it on. Eventually, after his efforts to buy art was mocked by Mom, Zoidberg finds happiness buying turkey dogs for his friends and some hobos.
The Planet Express crew is invited to a gala hosted by Nixon's head. The riches from the conquest of Tarantulon 6 are on display, but are ruined when Hermes crashes through the window, causing Bender's cigar to fly into the tapestry, setting it on fire. Even worse, the fire door is on fire. Luckily, Fry who by this point is badly trembling and unable to say anything but coffee manages to drink his hundredth cup of and enters a calming hyper-speed state, regaining control of himself and enabling him to rescue everyone and put out the fire.
Outside, everyone is confused and Leela believes they were saved by "a mysterious orange blur". They all decide to join Zoidberg and several hobos to turkey dogs and Smitty and URL burst in and arrest Bender.