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Leela: Look, I know there are no car-chases, but this is important. One of these two men will become President of the World.
Fry: What do we care? We live in the United States.
Leela: The United States is part of the world.
Fry: Wow, I have been gone a long time.
Jack Johnson: I say, your three cent titanium tax goes too far!
John Jackson: And I say, your three cent titanium tax doesn't go too far enough!
Bill Clinton: Hey sugarcookie! You know, legally nothing I can do counts as sex anymore.
Gerald Ford: I apologize for his rudeness, mam, he gets this way around meaty-looking women.
Fry: Bender, what is it?
Bender: Woah, what an awful dream! Ones and zeros everywhere. And I think I saw a two.
Fry: It was just a dream, Bender. There's no such thing as two.
Morbo: Morbo will now introduce tonight's candidates. Puny human number one, … puny human number two, … and Morbo's good friend, Richard Nixon.
Richard Nixon: Hello Morbo, how's the family?
Morbo: Belligerent and numerous.
Richard Nixon: Good man! Nixon's pro-war and pro-family.
Bender: Wow mamma! Get a room, you two!
Undisclosed man: We're in a room.
Bender: Well then lose some weight!
(Bender's head comes crashing through the Planet Express window and onto the conference table, where Fry, Leela, and the Professor are gathered.)
Bender: Hello, Peasants!
Fry: Hey, Bender, you look different. Did you get a haircut?
Bender: No, I sold my body!
Professor: Sold your body?! Oh, Bender, I've been down that road! I know it's glamorous and the parties are great, but you'll end up spending every dollar you make on jewelry and skin-tight leather pants!